Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
