I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
