The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
