I'm really into asian looking animals
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
