corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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