This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why is there bacon in the couch?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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