Jerry, you need to find god
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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