You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
MIDGETS
????
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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