just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
