thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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