at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
