dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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