I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
