I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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