I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
