If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
