Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you would pick up someone in the library
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
