Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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