Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
