Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
