Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Randomize
