speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
