he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
