She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
