You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
