it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
