im drinking this country out of the recession.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
