Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
