I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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