he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I can't turn off my feet"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
