My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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