Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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