I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
