Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
