how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
