i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was born a porn star she said
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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