I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Pants are for mortals
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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