so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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