every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
