Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
