I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
