I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
