I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
