his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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