So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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