I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
