i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
