i think i have herpe
just one?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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