Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
