I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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