i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
