I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
