But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
