Duck Duck Cougar?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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